“Pick Up the Yellow Oil Pastel and Follow the Yellow Line.”
It all started with a spiritual awakening. Hello!! My name is Kim. I am a 53 year old registered nurse who has taken care of the sick and dying for over 34 years. I feel that telling my story of my spiritual awakening is important for the collective consciousness and when I had my awakening I told God that I would do the same.
It all started with a spiritual awakening a year and a half ago. Prior to my awakening I was a nurse manager. I was 48 years old and felt that I had lost my purpose in life. I would come home, make dinner and then sit down and play games on my computer. I realized that I needed more to my life. I needed to figure out what else I could do besides the same old everyday humdrum. I decided to look into painting because when I went to college I had to take an art course. I decided to take a watercolor class. I had to teach myself from home with no instruction except for a book. I did the exercises and scanned them into my teacher. After that class was done I never painted again.
I did research on acrylic versus oil and I made the decision to try acrylic paint. I went and bought the best products on the market because I remember my dad always said “You get what you pay for.” I then proceeded to play with paint and slosh it around. I educated myself from the internet and following teachings of other artists on YouTube. After a year of literally mimicking their art I knew I had to literally find my voice as an artist. Everyday I would pick up the brush and play with paint in my kitchen because of course I had no studio. I had moved around the house several times to get a comfortable area and WHAM COVID happened!!
I had just started a new job as a nurse supervisor eight weeks prior to COVID. I cried everyday going to work because as a nurse I knew the toll this was going to take. I was afraid for myself and the population. Six months into COVID my husband became ill from the same. I now had to quarantine along with him so I would not get anyone sick. I immediately made my husband go to the second floor and stay in our bedroom for 14 days. Again as I stated, I am a nurse and I was taking any precaution I can to keep healthy not knowing of what the outcome would be for us. Of course the tears flowed everyday. My husband recovered with out any issues and I did not get COVID at that time. When he was released to go back to work I now had made the decision to stay home for my safety.
For an entire year I became a shut in. I never left my home for fear of dying. I cried every single day and lost my strength. The only comfort I felt was picking up a brush and painting. I now moved into the dining room because no one would be here anyway. I had my deceased grandmother’s picture on the dining room table with my paints and brushes. I was very very close to her. I was the first born grandchild and I developed a mother daughter bond with her. She was my star. She was my angel. I cry right now as I write these words about my grandmother. I would share coffee and tears with her every morning. I continued to paint knowing that the mind chatter would stop for the time being and I would forget about the debacle that was going on outside my windows. I would play with paint for nine hours a day like a crazy woman, knowing that my brain would shut off in that time span.
Then the day happened. I was painting a canvas of course and nothing made sense. I did not like the colors I was producing together so I decided to make some texture to try to distort them. I found some sand paper in the basement and I started to rub the dry paint. Well there you have it! I put a damn hole in the canvas!! So what happened? I put a hole in the canvas! Well of course I started to cry again. I was crumbling from all directions of my being. I then stated to myself out loud that now I could never sell this. I thought to myself wait a minute, you are not out of your house to sell anything anyway and you have no clue who the heck you are as an artist. I made it be known out loud that I will not bring any sadness to my painting area on top of the other sadness that has been created from COVID. I picked up the canvas and placed it on the dining room floor up against the wall, walked away and started something else.
Three days later I looked at the canvas, picked it up and said to my grandmother’s picture, “I am not a quitter and I will do something with this!” I started to slosh around new paint on top of the old paint but what ever I did I kept seeing broken angel’s wings. I started to cry more and more. I was a complete mess! I looked out the window into the sky and as I started to cry again I said, “God why am I getting broken angel’s wings?” “Why am I getting broken angel’s wings?” All of a sudden something came to my head like telepathic. This is the only way I can explain it. It stated to pick up the oil pastels. I chose 3 purples and one yellow. Why did I choose those colors? I cannot explain it. I started to take the purple oil pastels and rub the crap out of my canvas with them. I do not know why I did it but I just rubbed and rubbed and rubbed. I then proceeded to pick up a scraper I had next to me and scraped the crap out of the canvas. As I was scraping, a message, a voice came again just like the other. The voice said, “Pick up the yellow oil pastel and follow the yellow line.” I picked up the yellow oil pastel and I did what I did. I looked at the picture and said out loud, “Good it is finished I can go and take a shower now.”
After my shower I came back downstairs and looked at my painting. I realized I did not recall using the yellow oil pastel. I do not recall making the marks that I did and there was no yellow line to follow. I was confused of the markings I had. There was some sort of script and number. I stood back and stated out loud, “Oh my God something just happened.”
I stared at the markings and the number 3 that was at the bottom of the markings. My intuition made me look up the meaning of number 3. Now to make one thing clear here, I have never looked up any meanings to any numbers until this day because I had never had a number come to me before that I had noticed. I typed in my computer, what is the meaning of number 3? The first thing that came up was angel 3. I immediately looked it up and it was stating that I was creative, I needed to get out of my comfort zone which was my house at the time and try new things. Well, there it is. Something came through me!
Unknowingly at that time I was about to embark on a spiritual awakening.
